Today, I feel like I am in the birth canal and just waiting for the big push!
Haha (waking and still baking)
This past year has been harmonious and extremely difficult. One year ago yesterday, I landed on the magical island of Oahu! I followed the sun and walked to the waters edge (Xavier Rudd). The extreme power of the crashing waves filled me with Fire, Passion and Love but I knew my place!
I was humbled by the connection and with great gratitude I found mySELF asking permission to enter the water on a day that I needed it to carry me back to safety....and that it did. I relaxed into the water - which very rarely gives me a feeling of safety and I was carried by the big waves back to the little boat of my loved ones.
The fear I had for the water was real! The opportunity came, not to FACE THE FEAR with aggression and determination, fighting the waves, but to surrendered with gratitude and breath and watch as the feeling of fear fades away. That's all I had to do...my body really did do the rest.
Then "re-entry" as Lisa Weiss likes to call it, happened.
By re-entry I mean going back to work after vacation!
This was to be my biggest challenge as I subconsciously planned my exit.
Why did I have to make it so difficult is a question I will continue to ask mySELF as i continue this journey :)
So, in the last 10 months, I have had shingles, cracked ribs, dislocated ribs, a cracked molar and knee pain. I remember realizing that my body was screaming at me, and in my response saying "ya, I know I am stressed, but what can I do about it? I am stuck in a "system" that doesn't make sense to me any longer, but I need that system to survive in that system. I have to survive in that system because I have responsibilities that are tied to that f*&(ing system ".
As I continued to fuel the negative energy in my workplace, my body responded.
I am sad that my intellect fed off the drama and was able to accept the pain in my body.
As i lay here on Easter Sunday morning with my coffee and a healthy mind and spirit, the last bits of pain are leaving my body as I surrender to the fear of leaving my job.
The 'system' continues to be chatter in the background as I prepare for my newest adventure!
I let go of how it will all unfold. I have faith :)
As it happens, and IT DOES! This is perfect timing for me to leave my job of 17 years!
My beautiful boy is 21 and my responsibilities that were tied to the system are no longer required. To clearly understand that I had to remove my self from the stress or I was going to get really sick was a hard awareness to absorb. The fact that I had to experience pain to realize this, IS, and I will leave you with this...IS FUCKED UP!
Stay tuned for "SAY IT OUT LOUD 2017" videos coming soon to a vulnerable place near you :)
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